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Troll 2.0
Sunday January 15, 2006
WARNING: This post contains opinions that are my own.
I am starting to feel like a pioneer, a man so far ahead of the loop that history can surely only look back and see my utter genius. What it all comes down to is my arse, and the fact that I have been talking out of it since way back when. When most were talking about attribute selectors and the star hack, I was already talking out of my arse.
But what thanks do I get for being the leader of an increasingly fashionable trend, for making it easier for others to follow, for opening up the floor for other web developers to talk complete and utter bollocks on their blogs without even a twinge of guilt? None, that’s what. I don’t get listed on blogrolls, I don’t get invited to talk as an inspirational speaker. When a round of opinions are needed from the leaders in the field, do I get asked to join the fun? No sir, I do not.
Why is this I ask? Sometimes I stay up all night wondering where I went wrong, why I can’t break out, move on to bigger and better things, why am I stuck here with a meager 2,500+ uniques per day and a tiny readership of no more than 1,500 readers. Why, when I am clearly the field leader in talking crap to a crowd that laps it up without question, and then it struck me, straight in the feed readers, ooofff! my BPP ratio is too low, of course!
In fact the situation, in it’s very essence, requires that it be a little more complex than it seems in order to resolve itself satisfactorily. My situation may seem, on the surface at least, to be simple enough but a low BPP to actual content (AC) ratio is not in itself enough to consign me to the doldrums.
No, in order to necessitate change I must first recognise that my FPP ratio is higher than the AC and BPP percentages combined; and we all know that this simply will not do (you may know this more commonly as a low signal to noise ratio, or to the layman, the golden rule cast aside). What I clearly need is a Watertight Analytical Necessary Chart. Only this physical manifestation of my problem can help give me the stimulus I need to begin to re-assign.
As the W.A.N Chart above shows, my FPP ratio is dangerously high, the first step is to clean up my .act. What I need, though, is something to facilitate the clean up whilst keeping this web log accessible to those who have taste disabled in their browsers. But what would be sufficiently Web 2.0 enough to begin the reduction of my FPP (the clean up) and start the increase of my BPP (the return to the flock) whilst maintaining the, apparent, symbiosis between myself and my core readership? Ahhhhhh yeeeeeessssss, of course:
Even this first, small step, makes me feel better and now I simply need to create an opportunity to go off on a tangent in order to take my first step into the overuse, and total misuse, of big words thus removing any rhythm, rhyme or indeed personality from my musings.
My use of unnecessary, and, somewhat, excessive, punctuation has, because I am, undereducated, always been present; a necessary part of increasing, the BPP, this much I have always understood. My next, and most important step, is to create a situation where I can fastcanbobulate my writing in order that I make an otherwise short, to the point, sentence considerably longer and more confusing by inserting, for the most part, unnecessary and sometimes meaningless words that do nothing to assist the more fundamental nature of the message. In short before I can increase my BPP I must increase my [other] BPP and my WPS.
My site, by it’s transcendental nature, is also highly suggestive of a finished product, polished to the point of perfection, a done deal if you will. But, that is not so; clearly to the educated I, it is in a state of constant morphallaxis and now never more so than now, more so, now errr.. now that I revealed my desire to become an acolyte to the chosen few, rather than a free thinker I need a clear and definite indicator of this ongoing re-growth, this re-birth and, because of the utterly cool nature of my transgression, I might add, re-mix.
Initially I thought Beta, it seemed logical enough to communicate the message of my coming, a loud, clear and accessible cry out to the flock to wait, that I will rejoin the fold shortly but then the words started swimming around, transformamorphogising in my head: flock, sheep, beta… no, no, not Beta but something that reflects better, my sheep like ambitions.
And so lady and gentlemens I would like to officiously announce that the Joshuaink Web Log [2.0] is now officially named Bleater by Joshuaink. Branding to follow.
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